Archive | men RSS feed for this section

Two Perspectives

29 Sep

Today morning as I walked in office, there was this girl walking wearing high heels.

And as the wont of high heels, with every step heels made a clicking sound on the floor, so I told her that women wear high heels to announce their presence. They want every head to turn and look at them.

So she says, no that isn’t true. High heels were invented because short women were tired of getting kissed on the forehead.



Best Friends

17 Aug

A good friend is one who wishes that his friends do as well as he is doing.
If he is fucked they should also get fucked.

Keep it simple stupid

23 Feb

I recently had a bet with someone that I can prove I’m the best kisser in the world.

Now as soon as one says one runs into practical problem of logistics, research methodology, number of participants, the universe, credibility, etc. Because the accurate methodology would be everyone kissing everyone and then rating each other to finally reach the conclusion.

But history is witness and we privy to this untenable reality that everyone kissing everyone is a problem, especially on the lips, some like to kiss the butt, some like their boots to be kissed, some like their boots to kiss someone’s butt and so and so forth.

A practical conclusion and demonstration remains a distant dream.

Now there is a possible solution that is we can work with the assumption that everyone has kissed and knows a good kiss, I go and kiss every girl, she rates me better or worse than kiss or kisses she has had in the past. I am definitely a willing respondent and participant but the result will still be inconclusive and inaccurate. Imagine all women say I am a better kisser and just one woman say I am not as good as her lover and that lover has kissed only that woman, I am doomed. Because then that man has to kiss all the women so that it can be established. So by sheer complexity of various permutations and combinations and limitations of time I need to find a different approach to win the bet.

See get me clear here, there is no doubt in the veracity of my claim, and it technically is above any suspicion or counter claim, it just that it requires a mathematical proof.

It’s like saying why is one 1 and not two.

So you very patiently explain to the person, the theory, philosophy and the concept of unit, symbolism, analogy, material, spiritual, metaphysical and through other tools to give an understanding and quell all misgivings.

I need a similar tool.

Sam, dam, dand, bhed.

There is nothing that cannot be proved mathematically.

Let’s start from the beginning again.

There are two possibilities:-

Possibility 1: I am the best kisser in the world

Possibility 2: I am not the best kisser in the world.

We have seen that proving possibility one is tad bit difficult, we would now try to attempt finding out about the other possibility and whether we can prove that to be true or false.

I like it.

This seems to be a more interesting terrain.

To digress from the topic for a short while, I am sure everyone remembers the story of Frog in the well. The moral if you recollect was that life is all about experiences, a limited experience limits you to judge everything. Its only if and only if you have led a rich life, have spread your wings to fly far and wide you will be able to fathom an understanding, though it always will be miniscule in the grand scheme of the universe, point being only that person will be a better judge.

And we are not even into acquired tastes right now.

Wasabi sauce.

Who has liked it the first time they have tried.

Know what, life actually is very confusing.

Imagine a person, who has read a single book, can that person make a judgment about books?
And sometimes a person attains legend by a single act, take Mario Puzo, can you make a complete judgment about him unless you have read Godfather?

And in some cases it’s the reverse that is true, you have watched, experienced, tasted, read one great thing and not seen the crappy balance body of work, will your judgment be accurate with evaluating that act from the filter of fluke, an accident?

You must be thinking, why are we talking about all this and didn’t he say it will be short?

We will immediately get back to our initial quest.

Since assumption 1 is difficult to prove, we will come to assumption 2, that I am not the best kisser. That by virtue of definition must be judged by others. So the question comes who can judge me? That small detour was to define the properties and characteristics of the judge.

I at this point, in my defense, would like to bring to your notice another intrinsic aspect of the locking of lips.

It is not a solitary activity, it is a group activity, in the sense two parties are involved at the same time.

The quality of the act in a collective activity is judged by the mean of the performance of both the players.

Ah, I can see you need another analogy.

Sania Nehwal is a great badminton player. Now we all know that, it will make it easier for you to understand the point.

Sania Nehwal claims that I am the best badminton player or keeping the ranking in mind, she says I am second best player in the world, or in other words a very good badminton player, we all would agree.


Because we have seen her demonstrate that, we know she has won championships and other such proof points.

Now imagine no one knew of this fact and she made the claim (like I have done with the kiss, keep our objectives in mind as you read), she will be asked to prove it.

Now imagine no one else knows how to play badminton and she plays with such players, she would look as ordinary as them. For her to demonstrate her greatness or bestness, she will need a player of her class and stature, so that she can show her moves on the court, her delicate drops, her sublime movements, her powerful smashes, her teasing lobs, her deceptive footwork, her flexible wrist. Its only when she gets a chance of showcase her range she shall be able to answer her claim.

I unfortunately am in the same situation.

I am the best.

It’s a reality.

A fact as true as sun rising from the west. (caught it, was just checking if you were paying attention)

I can prove it provided you are also the best.

Unless you are not a player of not my skill it is impossible for me to prove and world to believe.

So if you do kiss and don’t like it, it showcases your mediocrity and not my greatness.

P.S: Now some intelligent brains would be thinking and considering kiss from POV of badminton. Ladies, I know the rules of the game better than you, I know you are thinking, if I play against Sania, I would know she is better player than me and others I have played against and hence say she is better. My beautiful reader, analogy is not a parallel, it is to explain a point. To understand and explain limitation of judgment of kiss, let me give you another analogy, you play against a better player, game will be over in a blink, but if you play against a player of your caliber, the game will be more strenuous, take more effort, it will be more tiring and in your summation far more fun. Unfortunately unlike badminton, where you will know a better play, in a kiss your judgment will be based on equality and you will not be able to appreciate quality, unless you know what quality is.


I am God

15 Feb

How many ones does 1 have? Is 1 a solitary number, complete in its identity? Not needing anything, not wanting anything more?

Have you ever noticed 1 and I look so similar to each other, like identical twins, like two sides of a coin, mirror images of each other, part of different worlds yet connoting the same meaning.

Is that the ultimate challenge of life to reach a complete isolation?

But is 1 actually alone?

Let’s try to find out empirically.

I take a pen, a white sheet, a pair of scissors and then I write one big 1 on the paper running from top to bottom. After that I proceed to cut the one in two parts, eureka I now have two 1s in my hand. And if my scissors have the capacity to cut up to sub-atom level, I have within each one infinite and I can keep cutting and snipping each one till pigs would fly and even after that could keep cutting till infinite time this infinite activity.

So suddenly we find that one in reality wasn’t alone, it was just an optical illusion. If I have five paper pieces and I asked a passerby to tell me the number there, howsoever he answers there would be a 5 there, five 1s or 5 depending on the perspective.

Aha, I have made an interesting discovery.

Now I quickly write down 2 and try to find more 2s with my scissor but whichever way I try there seems to be only one 2, then I proceed to 3, then to 4, and then go on to numbers running to infinity but each number seem to have only one of it within it physically, while one seems to be have all of them within it.
Nothing new there, isn’t the principle of unit, the foundation of mathematics. Everything comes from it. Each number is just a multiple of a unit.

That’s theoretical right, but the physical nature of each number is different. In physical form, I have the power to change the character of each number except 1. With 9, I can cut the head and place in front of the stem, magically we have a 10 in front of us, or take 3, I cut it in the middle, I have two semi-circles or maybe 2c alphabets, a complete mutation into a new race, language, and so and so forth.
It’s only with 1 I face a problem, whichever way I cut I just keep on getting more ones.

Its form so unchangeable.

And nothing else makes it.

It makes itself.

No creator.

No beginning

No end.

It can make anything.

Everything is made of it.

It was within all that was.

It is within all that exists.

It will be within all that would be.

It can never be destroyed.

All powerful.

All knowing.

1 is God.

That’s grammatically wrong.

I am God.


The lasting thoughts – 2010

3 Jan

The year opened with a fight.

Dec 31, 2009, time to celebrate, time to rejoice, time to make resolutions, time of gaiety, frolic and fun, that’s what the wife wanted, I and another kindred soul were of the opinion that being amongst zillion strangers was not the way to bring in the year. I won, simply because I refused to lose myself in crowd.

So 2010 was ushered in amongst tears, fights, arguments and all their synonyms.

I find it very difficult to remember things specially when I’m trying to, but lemme at least cover what I can recollect, I am sure, I will miss a lot.

Jan always is the month of my daughter’s birthday because she starts two weeks in advance reminding me what she wants and keeps talking about it for 2 weeks once it’s past. So that covers Jan.

Feb as such is a short month, flew at the same speed without leaving behind any trace or memory.

Actually, this is not working out, if I go with month approach, all would go away saying nothing happened. I will try another way.

In 2009 lot many changes had happened, many of the friends had got married, some good friends had left the city to find their fortune somewhere else, and the time that was usually spent together was no longer there. So four of us decided to take a weekend out, go somewhere and spend time together. Errol flew in from Mumbai, Neil joined, Swagat planned and I just drove everyone to our nowhere destination. We all spoke like motor-mouths, drank like fish, pulled each other’s leg, ate like pigs, fought like dogs and slept like logs. Somewhere in the second night, discussion went to ambitions, not work ambitions but something beyond, more like dreams, so we all being little less cautious baring ourselves, spoke our hearts. I said I would like to someday try and write a book. I actually had tried writing something, a number of times but had never ever finished beyond chapter 1 before. So neil, asked do you have a story, I said no but Swagat has something on which we had planned to collaborate, though structurally we had a similar context but on manifestation we could not agree. So while Swagat wanted to make it in a film script the way he saw it, I wanted to take the thought in a different direction. Though the genesis of the idea was Swagat’s he was willing to give it to me for me to develop it the way I wanted. That’s beside the point, important is, I wanted to share my thoughts with everyone, when Errol said fuck-off. We all have heard your ideas before, so finish it and send me, I would read it this time.

And I did write, it’s not the question of how good or bad the final output is, the fact is it finished thanks to Errol at that moment. And he followed that by checking every week, how many words I have finished, how it was shaping up, till it got its own momentum eventually and reached the conclusion. And the interesting part is Errol doesn’t read much, he hasn’t read it, doubt will ever read it yet he ensured in his own way that I finish.

Thank you Swagat for being generous enough to share a wonderful thought without a second thought. And thank you Errol for being a pain.

And journey was most joyful for those 8 months.

Throughout the year the usual routine continued, going out with friends often, getting drunk regularly, till October end. When one day after another maddening all night session, I woke up feeling sick and the inanity of over-drinking dawned on me. Not that I took an oath that I won’t drink ever again in my life but I somehow haven’t felt like drinking since that day. It’s been couple of months I haven’t had a drink. But if someone asks have you quit, I say no, I’m just choosing not to drink. It’s always good to have a choice, without it you are just a prisoner and not an exponent of free will.

I acquired lots of new possessions during the year, I got a new DVD player, I got a new Nintendo Wii, a bought myself i-touch, then I also got an i-pad. I spoilt, actually destroyed, the old DVD player, my son ruined by X-box, my PSP is gathering dust somewhere. I bought 4 pairs of new shoes, one was thrown after being used for a week, the transition from love to hate was quite dramatic there, other 3 are still around.
Oh, around reminds me, my most major achievement of the year, I turned 40. I’m so happy to be around. I had planned major celebrations around the event, one was to get 18 year Russian virgin twins and some other such ordinary innocuous things to do. These were some of the gifts I had planned to surprise myself with but then eventually I dazed myself by doing nothing. It somehow seemed appropriate to mourn the tragic event in solitary isolation listening to some heart-wrenching poetry about death and misery of old age.

As soon as I turned 40, I got a jolt out of the blue, so shocking that it could have made my poor heart give way. I got a mail, from a girl saying she likes my writing. For a second, I thought it’s a spam, then the realization dawned that it’s an April fool trick but the calendar was showing August, so maybe a practical joke but actually it wasn’t. So not only did I get an actual appreciation mail, I met the lady also, and she was, ahem… quite attractive (wife reads the blog sometimes, else would have told the truth). Go burn.

What else happened during the year, I did my once a year trip to Chandigarh/Panchkula. As usual had a halt at Delhi, stayed with Sudip, was amazed by his son Anay, saw the Lion that the tigress Anu had won, faffed with Kundan, got drunk as usual.

I played badminton quite regularly this year, golf very irregularly, gym was skipped, and running was only in the mind. But a healthy year in the larger context.

I am forgetting something.

Oh yes, the family and especially the wife.

Archana as usual, pushed me to live healthily, was despite her reluctance quite benevolent enough to edit my book of gazillion grammatical mistakes, she even read it, or so she says because every time I ask her she feigns amnesia, but I’m sure she has, and as long as she remembers me and my face I’m good. My healthy eating was directly linked to her plans, if she was trying to lose weight I would get the right food and if she went off her diet, it was safely assumed by her that I’m off too and the ghee laden, butter soaked paranthas would grace my plate, and my every protest was laughed off. If she joined gym, so did I, you get the idea. But she was extra generous on my 40th birthday. I got 2 cycles, 2 seats, 2 bells, 2 speedometers, basically 2 of everything, but closer inspection showed one cycle was tad bit shorter than the other, I thought maybe she wasn’t very sure but surprise surprise, one has for her. Did you, dear reader, even get an inkling of such machination, I for one never suspected. But yeah, she again insured I lived to see 2011, she is clear other than her no one or nothing else can kill me. And she ensures that by making me live healthily.

Kids as usual were wonderful. Out of superstition will not write how amazing it is to have them around, my bundles of joy, my stress-busters, nerve-wreckers, hair-pullers, scream-happy-machines.

My brother was graced with twins, sad haven’t met them so far.

There is more to write but I’m kind of tired now, I missed about travel, some parties, few friends, work I don’t write about, and some happiness in tummy moments.

2010 year ended with a kiss.

And 2011 opened with a kiss.

Lovely Lust and Lusty Love

29 Dec

One of the most misunderstood and underrated emotion is lust. Now lust has two manifestations, one where it stands individually without any companion in its physical avatar, which is purely carnal and physical gratification. A truth of the moment.

But there is another, which is as a companion to love. An expression, an emotion that sustains love. One of the jokes that I always say is that never trust a man when he says I love you for he can be lying through his teeth, but believe him when he says that I lust you for then he has to show it. You cannot be limp about it.

But jokes apart, in the hearth of passion are forged the bonds of undying love. Lust is the beginning, without lust there would be no love and when the lust is lost so is love. You may turn out to be friends and still enjoy and need each other’s companionship but you are no longer lovers.

To be lovers lust is an integral part.

But then why is lust seen with so much suspicion?

There can be many reasons for it, some might blame it on the pristine virginal concept of love popularized by our cinema or maybe because of the way we were told that sex is not the done thing during our growing up years, the cultural aspect of looking at lust with suspicion.

But the pull of the lust is intrinsic; it’s part of our animal nature.

The true reason, in my mind, is the fickleness of lust that makes its nature suspect.

Now let’s divide lust in the two forms it has before beginning of love and post finding love.

Love’s foundation is based on lust, it is the physical attraction that forces your hand to make the first move and make an effort to approach the person. It might not be realized lust but it is the felt lust and there is no emotion attached at that point except the physical magnetism that attracts you. And this is the tricky point of lust, to give in or not give in to its demands. Your body wants it but you mind is still rebelling against it. There is no right answer to this question, the choice has to lie with the individual, you can either live the moment, even when you know it’s nothing beyond the moment, or not. Even if there is a possibility of beyond the moment, you may go with its flow or you may not. You decide. But even if you don’t go with the flow, you can always harness it to find more moments of togetherness before you make your decision.

The second part is lust after you have discovered love under the layers of lust. This lust needs to be sustained. One needs to find the partner physically attractive, attractive enough to fulfill physical needs, you cannot let or think that satisfaction of the mind or soul will keep the relationship intact. It’s the continuation of lust that will bind you together.

I can write lots more, but I’m bored now (wonder where I picked up this trait) and will end up with a closing thought, next time when you are with your partner, don’t ask whether you love me, ask him/her, do you lust me.

The answer will define whether you are friends or lovers.


7 Dec

End of the year, time to write probably the last post of the year. Not been very prolific this year but overall happy that I could keep the blog active more or less throughout the year. Yet it was a year of broken promises in more ways than one, but also a year of more promises than ever before to make.

With December, end of the year is also the time say goodbyes along with the welcome and that takes me to the topic of this post. One of the things that interest me a lot is when people ask will you miss me or do you miss me or make a statement like, I miss you.

It according to me is the cruelest thing you can ever say to anyone. After all it is just another synonym for “fuck off”.

To say “I miss you” is acknowledging the absence of something and also accepting that absence, in that acceptance lies eventually letting go of something precious with time. The space that lies vacant would be filled or occupied by something new. And once it has been engaged with the new thrill, the old would be forgotten, eventually. It would cease to exist. As if it was never there. And whatever residue is there would take a form of regret. The new always is better than the old, not in form but always in thought.

But how can I say that when people are always reminiscing about “the good old times”? And when people always think past was better than today?

The past people miss is individualistic, personal, and has “I” in the center of it. I never says bye to I, it’s a filled up space, unchanging, irreplaceable, no-replicable and irrevocable.

“I miss you” we are talking about is in relation to a third person. Lots of people in a relationship talk about how they felt at the beginning of the relationship and regret missing that rush. They obviously are talking about themselves and how they felt, not about how they made the other person feel, their own actions are lost to time but the other person’s actions are permanently ingrained in the memories, a filled space.

“I miss you” on the other hand vacates a space, that is open for occupation, which I guess is fine. Change happens.

But the question is then why do people say it, despite the fact it isn’t true?
I’m assuming say it because they mean it at that time, but that still doesn’t mitigate their cruelty and meaningless of the gesture and thought.

I on the other either say goodbye or see you soon.

Goodbye has finality to it which I like; we are now free from each other. See you soon on the other hand is a promise that says I value you and the space you occupy in my life, and the words reiterate that no one will take that space, you are permanently with me even when not there physically and I would make an effort to be with you again.

So dear reader, see you soon.

P.S: At the last count, I had one and that’s you who is reading it.