Keep it simple stupid

23 Feb

I recently had a bet with someone that I can prove I’m the best kisser in the world.

Now as soon as one says one runs into practical problem of logistics, research methodology, number of participants, the universe, credibility, etc. Because the accurate methodology would be everyone kissing everyone and then rating each other to finally reach the conclusion.

But history is witness and we privy to this untenable reality that everyone kissing everyone is a problem, especially on the lips, some like to kiss the butt, some like their boots to be kissed, some like their boots to kiss someone’s butt and so and so forth.

A practical conclusion and demonstration remains a distant dream.

Now there is a possible solution that is we can work with the assumption that everyone has kissed and knows a good kiss, I go and kiss every girl, she rates me better or worse than kiss or kisses she has had in the past. I am definitely a willing respondent and participant but the result will still be inconclusive and inaccurate. Imagine all women say I am a better kisser and just one woman say I am not as good as her lover and that lover has kissed only that woman, I am doomed. Because then that man has to kiss all the women so that it can be established. So by sheer complexity of various permutations and combinations and limitations of time I need to find a different approach to win the bet.

See get me clear here, there is no doubt in the veracity of my claim, and it technically is above any suspicion or counter claim, it just that it requires a mathematical proof.

It’s like saying why is one 1 and not two.

So you very patiently explain to the person, the theory, philosophy and the concept of unit, symbolism, analogy, material, spiritual, metaphysical and through other tools to give an understanding and quell all misgivings.

I need a similar tool.

Sam, dam, dand, bhed.

There is nothing that cannot be proved mathematically.

Let’s start from the beginning again.

There are two possibilities:-

Possibility 1: I am the best kisser in the world

Possibility 2: I am not the best kisser in the world.

We have seen that proving possibility one is tad bit difficult, we would now try to attempt finding out about the other possibility and whether we can prove that to be true or false.

I like it.

This seems to be a more interesting terrain.

To digress from the topic for a short while, I am sure everyone remembers the story of Frog in the well. The moral if you recollect was that life is all about experiences, a limited experience limits you to judge everything. Its only if and only if you have led a rich life, have spread your wings to fly far and wide you will be able to fathom an understanding, though it always will be miniscule in the grand scheme of the universe, point being only that person will be a better judge.

And we are not even into acquired tastes right now.

Wasabi sauce.

Who has liked it the first time they have tried.

Know what, life actually is very confusing.

Imagine a person, who has read a single book, can that person make a judgment about books?
And sometimes a person attains legend by a single act, take Mario Puzo, can you make a complete judgment about him unless you have read Godfather?

And in some cases it’s the reverse that is true, you have watched, experienced, tasted, read one great thing and not seen the crappy balance body of work, will your judgment be accurate with evaluating that act from the filter of fluke, an accident?

You must be thinking, why are we talking about all this and didn’t he say it will be short?

We will immediately get back to our initial quest.

Since assumption 1 is difficult to prove, we will come to assumption 2, that I am not the best kisser. That by virtue of definition must be judged by others. So the question comes who can judge me? That small detour was to define the properties and characteristics of the judge.

I at this point, in my defense, would like to bring to your notice another intrinsic aspect of the locking of lips.

It is not a solitary activity, it is a group activity, in the sense two parties are involved at the same time.

The quality of the act in a collective activity is judged by the mean of the performance of both the players.

Ah, I can see you need another analogy.

Sania Nehwal is a great badminton player. Now we all know that, it will make it easier for you to understand the point.

Sania Nehwal claims that I am the best badminton player or keeping the ranking in mind, she says I am second best player in the world, or in other words a very good badminton player, we all would agree.


Because we have seen her demonstrate that, we know she has won championships and other such proof points.

Now imagine no one knew of this fact and she made the claim (like I have done with the kiss, keep our objectives in mind as you read), she will be asked to prove it.

Now imagine no one else knows how to play badminton and she plays with such players, she would look as ordinary as them. For her to demonstrate her greatness or bestness, she will need a player of her class and stature, so that she can show her moves on the court, her delicate drops, her sublime movements, her powerful smashes, her teasing lobs, her deceptive footwork, her flexible wrist. Its only when she gets a chance of showcase her range she shall be able to answer her claim.

I unfortunately am in the same situation.

I am the best.

It’s a reality.

A fact as true as sun rising from the west. (caught it, was just checking if you were paying attention)

I can prove it provided you are also the best.

Unless you are not a player of not my skill it is impossible for me to prove and world to believe.

So if you do kiss and don’t like it, it showcases your mediocrity and not my greatness.

P.S: Now some intelligent brains would be thinking and considering kiss from POV of badminton. Ladies, I know the rules of the game better than you, I know you are thinking, if I play against Sania, I would know she is better player than me and others I have played against and hence say she is better. My beautiful reader, analogy is not a parallel, it is to explain a point. To understand and explain limitation of judgment of kiss, let me give you another analogy, you play against a better player, game will be over in a blink, but if you play against a player of your caliber, the game will be more strenuous, take more effort, it will be more tiring and in your summation far more fun. Unfortunately unlike badminton, where you will know a better play, in a kiss your judgment will be based on equality and you will not be able to appreciate quality, unless you know what quality is.



One Response to “Keep it simple stupid”

  1. John Doe February 24, 2011 at 5:16 pm #

    bahut maar padne waali hain bachchoo

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