Archive | December, 2010

Lovely Lust and Lusty Love

29 Dec

One of the most misunderstood and underrated emotion is lust. Now lust has two manifestations, one where it stands individually without any companion in its physical avatar, which is purely carnal and physical gratification. A truth of the moment.

But there is another, which is as a companion to love. An expression, an emotion that sustains love. One of the jokes that I always say is that never trust a man when he says I love you for he can be lying through his teeth, but believe him when he says that I lust you for then he has to show it. You cannot be limp about it.

But jokes apart, in the hearth of passion are forged the bonds of undying love. Lust is the beginning, without lust there would be no love and when the lust is lost so is love. You may turn out to be friends and still enjoy and need each other’s companionship but you are no longer lovers.

To be lovers lust is an integral part.

But then why is lust seen with so much suspicion?

There can be many reasons for it, some might blame it on the pristine virginal concept of love popularized by our cinema or maybe because of the way we were told that sex is not the done thing during our growing up years, the cultural aspect of looking at lust with suspicion.

But the pull of the lust is intrinsic; it’s part of our animal nature.

The true reason, in my mind, is the fickleness of lust that makes its nature suspect.

Now let’s divide lust in the two forms it has before beginning of love and post finding love.

Love’s foundation is based on lust, it is the physical attraction that forces your hand to make the first move and make an effort to approach the person. It might not be realized lust but it is the felt lust and there is no emotion attached at that point except the physical magnetism that attracts you. And this is the tricky point of lust, to give in or not give in to its demands. Your body wants it but you mind is still rebelling against it. There is no right answer to this question, the choice has to lie with the individual, you can either live the moment, even when you know it’s nothing beyond the moment, or not. Even if there is a possibility of beyond the moment, you may go with its flow or you may not. You decide. But even if you don’t go with the flow, you can always harness it to find more moments of togetherness before you make your decision.

The second part is lust after you have discovered love under the layers of lust. This lust needs to be sustained. One needs to find the partner physically attractive, attractive enough to fulfill physical needs, you cannot let or think that satisfaction of the mind or soul will keep the relationship intact. It’s the continuation of lust that will bind you together.

I can write lots more, but I’m bored now (wonder where I picked up this trait) and will end up with a closing thought, next time when you are with your partner, don’t ask whether you love me, ask him/her, do you lust me.

The answer will define whether you are friends or lovers.

Just an opinion

28 Dec

If you have kids or have interacted with kids, they have a very interesting facet of knowing everything. Like my daughter came to me the other day and said that she doesn’t have to go to school now, so I asked her why that is? And she said that she knows everything and started reciting all the alphabets and numbers that she knew. And also challenged me to take her test.

Now compare this with the attitude or reality of truly knowledgeable, you can take any field but for the argument let’s take scientists. Now science probably is the epitome of human curiosity and the specialist aspect of this arcane knowledge challenges the depth of human spirit. It in its own way is a combination of imagination, observation, experimentation and creation. Now if you interact with people from this field and I was lucky enough to study under some of the best brains during my college days, the interesting aspect of their personality is their humility and acknowledgement of their ignorance. The deeper they go in their studies they realize the more they need to learn and know. This understanding makes them always open to other ideas, different opinions and views contradictory to their beliefs.

Now the same is true in possibly every other field.

The truly curious always believe that there is so much to know and so much to learn and their growth is a product of them staying students all their life.

So the contrast that is being established is the child belief and the adult truths.

Now that serious aspect and background of the post has been established, now we jump to the buffoonery part of this post, which takes leaf from the above established corollary.

Now against this let’s now contrast the corporate world. As one climbs the corporate ladder, it makes people regress to being kids rather than adults. They start believing that their opinions, which end of the day are nothing but opinions as superior to that of the people who are at lower designations. They assume a title is equivalent to knowledge. Though it is true that it is through performance (in an ideal world) one grows to higher positions but at each level they also get exposed to new realities of business. But the knowledge that is required to perform at each level is not like a data transfer, you hook in your brain to your laptop and now you are ready for the role.

An organization end of the day is like a brain, where different knowledge is stored at various points and each has to work in a synchronized manner to have the completeness of knowledge. As I read the best description of how brain works through the analogy of an orchestra.

“Let’s look at the brain as an orchestra. In an orchestra, you have different musical sections. There is a percussion section, a string section, a woodwind section, and so on. Each has its own job to do and must work closely with the other sections. When playing music, each section waits for the conductor. The conductor raises a baton and all the members of the orchestra begin playing at the same time playing on the same note. If the drum section hasn’t been practicing, they don’t play as well as the rest of the orchestra. The overall sound of the music seems “off” or plays poorly at certain times. This is a better model of how the brain works. We used to think of the brain as a big computer, but it’s really like millions of little computers all working together.”
(Source: http://www.tbiguide.com/howbrainworks.html)

The same is also true for organizations; they are a large brain with knowledge stored with the individuals working across the organization and unless they don’t function as complete units they are bound for failure.
But the true reason for failure is certain individuals who operate as independent nodes that control the overall system. As we have the orchestra analogy, the analogy for this system can be understood from cricket. The bowler cannot operate as an individual player, he needs to understand the overall field setting, the situation of the game, but if he bowls by what he believes is right, he will make the whole team fail.
Individuals as they grow must open up to ideas beyond their beliefs and develop an ability to process and assimilate knowledge and not just impart opinions.

Opinions, dear friends, are not knowledge.

Mind your business, as many would say, so I would finish here.

Check the mate

17 Dec

Chess as we know has three plays, opening gambit, middle play and the end game. Now there is no denying that opening gambit is critical to the overall play as how the game will open up and the end game requires utmost attention, focus and perseverance to ensure the game reaches the logical conclusion. But any chess player would tell you that despite the criticality of opening and end, the real game is in the middle. It is how you play your pieces in the middle that they eventually would be in a position that would ensure the ending one seeks. So each section of the game has a crucial role to play and has a unique standing in the larger picture.

Life can learn a lot from it and in life it’s the relationships that can pluck a lesson from the best game invented to challenge the limits of human mind. The beauty of chess lies as a parallel to relationships is the infinite ways in which it can be played. Every interaction in a relationship, every minute that is spend together is a play which can create a unique combination which makes the next and every game different from the millions others that are being played around. On surface, or to anyone who is seeing from a distance it would look like similar to each other but only when one sees the interplay between the various pieces that the uniqueness of each individual game gets manifested and becomes apparent. So each relationship in that sense is unique because the interplay is unique.

But that is not the topic of discussion today.

What I find interesting is the lack of interest in the middle play of relationships. People tend to give lots of attention to the opening gambit, for there is nothing without it, and there is seems to be a universal appeal and magnetic pull in initiating the game. But once the game has opened up, it doesn’t flow in its natural path, it suddenly has a cardiac arrest or the engine seizes without warning, without any cause.

People just freeze.

Why?

Because they just skip the middle and jump to the end game. Not actually playing on board but measuring it in their minds. But they forget there is no end game yet. And you would not know the end unless you play the middle.

But another interesting aspect is the end game they play.

It’s not a winning game; it’s a game that they are losing. And losing badly. This brings us to what I wrote earlier, the fear of emotional future.

The point that I’m trying to make is people tend to ignore the most important and fulfilling part of the relationship, the part that will define the nature of relationship, the middle game. Do not fear the end game, even if you lose, you still had the joy of playing the game and get enriched in the process.

I read a beautiful quote which said that on the tombstone there are two dates, what matters is the dash in between.

There is another, though on the negative side, parallel between relationships and chess. In chess there are two parallel tracks, an move that is made in present but that move takes into the future. A good player is able to envision till some distance the future, so his every action is not random but takes into account the future he is trying to create for himself.

As they are two players they are trying to create their own individual futures.

In relationships if the two distinct futures being sought are same it results in a successful and a happy relationship but if they are not the relationship fails. But a good player is one who is able to foresee the future before it arrives and is able to end it if it doesn’t match with his vision before the ugly truth unfolds.
But most of the people don’t play life chess players but like gamblers. They hope luck would change the course but that is being a fool.

After rambling all over, the things I’m trying to suggest are –

1. Don’t run away from the game, it is the most beautiful game that can be played; it enriches life, irrespective of the outcome. Play it.

2. Don’t focus on the end game before you have played the middle and character is defined in the middle

3. Do not fear losing but don’t believe that you would lose. Play to win.

4. Don’t be a gambler in relationships, quit the game early if it is not leading to where you want, have the courage to see the future and have the strength to face it

Checkmate(end). Or should I say check (opening) the mate (middle). Or check (middle) and then mate (end).

Fast and furious

14 Dec

Early morning, daughter wakes up and she is presented her glass of milk.

As usual there is tantarum thrown, and the glass of milk lies unattended.

Time for all-knowing fatherman to salvage the situation.

“Darling, drink your milk”

“No, I don’t want to.”

“I will hold the glass, you take sip from there.”

Glass there and a fraction of milliliter consumed and no visible difference in the level of milk even after considerable time and effort

“Your brother drank his milk faster and you I’m sure are faster than him.”

“How fast did he finish?”

“30 seconds”

“I am faster than him, I will finish in 1 minute.”

Large gulps and glass is empty.

Fatherman saves the day again.

Chutney

7 Dec

I was out for a walk with my daughter yesterday night. Now the complex we stay in has lots of vehicular movement all the time. So as we were walking, we had to cross the road, so I decided it was a good time to explain to her about how to cross the road.

Here goes the conversation –

I: The car is coming from the other side, what are you supposed to do?

She: I can run across the road before it comes, I am very fast.

I: No, you are supposed to wait till the car passes and then you cross the road.

She: No Dada, I can run very fast, I can cross it.

Actually the car was far, she could have, but that wasn’t the point, she had to learn the proper way, so we waited for the car to go. And the conversation started again.

She: I can show you I can cross, now you become the car, you come from there and I will run to the other side.

I: OK

So I was the car, she was supposed to run across, obviously I didn’t stand to far, so she runs and I run faster (at the risk of bursting my lungs, seriously it was around 20ft) and I catch her before she crosses.

I: See you can get hurt, so always wait.

She: You are right, car can dash into me.

I: Yes, the car can dash into you.

She: If car dashes than it will chutney of us.

I: Yes

She: Then everyone will dip into us and eat, dosa and chutney, samosa and chutney, bread and chutney, vada and chutney.

I didn’t have my dinner last night.

December

7 Dec

End of the year, time to write probably the last post of the year. Not been very prolific this year but overall happy that I could keep the blog active more or less throughout the year. Yet it was a year of broken promises in more ways than one, but also a year of more promises than ever before to make.

With December, end of the year is also the time say goodbyes along with the welcome and that takes me to the topic of this post. One of the things that interest me a lot is when people ask will you miss me or do you miss me or make a statement like, I miss you.

It according to me is the cruelest thing you can ever say to anyone. After all it is just another synonym for “fuck off”.

To say “I miss you” is acknowledging the absence of something and also accepting that absence, in that acceptance lies eventually letting go of something precious with time. The space that lies vacant would be filled or occupied by something new. And once it has been engaged with the new thrill, the old would be forgotten, eventually. It would cease to exist. As if it was never there. And whatever residue is there would take a form of regret. The new always is better than the old, not in form but always in thought.

But how can I say that when people are always reminiscing about “the good old times”? And when people always think past was better than today?

The past people miss is individualistic, personal, and has “I” in the center of it. I never says bye to I, it’s a filled up space, unchanging, irreplaceable, no-replicable and irrevocable.

“I miss you” we are talking about is in relation to a third person. Lots of people in a relationship talk about how they felt at the beginning of the relationship and regret missing that rush. They obviously are talking about themselves and how they felt, not about how they made the other person feel, their own actions are lost to time but the other person’s actions are permanently ingrained in the memories, a filled space.

“I miss you” on the other hand vacates a space, that is open for occupation, which I guess is fine. Change happens.

But the question is then why do people say it, despite the fact it isn’t true?
I’m assuming say it because they mean it at that time, but that still doesn’t mitigate their cruelty and meaningless of the gesture and thought.

I on the other either say goodbye or see you soon.

Goodbye has finality to it which I like; we are now free from each other. See you soon on the other hand is a promise that says I value you and the space you occupy in my life, and the words reiterate that no one will take that space, you are permanently with me even when not there physically and I would make an effort to be with you again.

So dear reader, see you soon.

P.S: At the last count, I had one and that’s you who is reading it.