My Cruel Wife

22 Oct

My wife is cruel.

First comes the statement all that is left after that are the facts.

So ladies and gentlemen, hear me, as I state on a public platform, my wife is cruel, plain and simple, she is a cruel woman, heartless, coldblooded and pitiless .

And this sudden realization makes me a very nervous man.

Now let me tell you why?

In life people have various hobbies, some collect stamps, some are in love with coins, some fall in love with trivia, some even collect dead butterflies; all kinds of people have all kinds of hobbies.

But guess what my wife’s hobby is?

She collects fools.

Yes, you heard me right, she collects fools.

Nothing intrigues her more than a fool. Where normal people shun the company of fools, she goes out of her way to seek them. You should see her when is with one of that kind, her mouth is wide open, leaning forward so that she doesn’t miss a single word coming out of their mouth, eyes are darting absorbing their every minutest of movement and gesture, waiting for the moment when the magic would happen, like a cat playing with a mouse, watching before she can pounce and capture and imprint it all in her mind. And she is devoted to her pastime. A sane person would not even take their call, or if would see them coming from the other side would change his direction, she on the other hand, defying all logic, calls them, invites them and tries to spend as much time as possible with them. Where sane wallow, she revels.

And she is very democratic in her choice, she collects them all; people with funny voices, weird accents, warped way of looking at life, too serious about life, anyone and everyone who can amaze her and entertain her. There is only one condition, it cannot be normal behavior. Any and every kind of bizarreness; strange, eccentric, weird draws her to the person like moth to fire.

And why does she do it?

Because all these encounters enrich her and give her stories. Did I tell you she is a story-teller?

Yes sir, she is one and a very good one at that. She can relate these stories with lots of gusto and enthusiasm; she has everyone rolling on the floor when she narrates her joyful ludicrous interactions with her ‘friends’. People love her stories.

I used to love them too.

But then one day I was sitting I felt this peculiar sensation, my stomach churned; I rushed to the loo and vomited.

I for the first time knew fear.

All because I asked myself a question; why did she marry me?

And the answer that came back like a catapult jolted me, shocked me, enormity of my position couldn’t escape me.

What more would she want in life than to have a fool around her all the time?

Then I started noticing things, as they truly were, the mask was peeling from the charade.

When I am in the house, I have seen her looking at me, watching me, I used to think that was out of love and affection but now I noticed the strange glint in her eye. One day, I came back home from office, she was sitting with her friends, as soon as I entered, all went quiet and were looking at me with an odd expression, as soon as I stepped out of the room I could hear the peals of laughter resounding behind me, they were giving each other high-fives.

Then I noticed something else I have no idea how that could escape my eye earlier. She normally likes to sit with me and ask me things. But now I noticed, when she asks me something, she always has a pen and a notepad with her and switches on the camcorder. She scribbles furiously, doesn’t utter a word, except sometimes in between to ask me to look towards the camera.

All this very subtle behavior has made me very nervous.

Today when I see her I run away screaming.

Right now, I am hiding in the cupboard and writing all this. I can hear her calling my name, asking me to come out.

So if you are reading this, please save me.

P.S: I will wait here till you come. It’s the second cupboard on your left when you enter the house.


One Response to “My Cruel Wife”

  1. Gauri Gharpure October 23, 2010 at 12:54 am #

    hey, this is nice.. had fun reading it..

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