What if? So what.

15 Oct

There has been a thought that has been running in mind for some time now and every time I pushed the thought aside because I was not sure how to address it. I used to have certain beliefs about it at some point but with time I started doubting my own opinions, was plagued with contradictions that possibly led to a conflict in my own mind. Reason I was scared even to answer my own question. But then it didn’t help anyone, definitely not me, if I ran away from my own doubts. My answer ultimately was with me and no one better ask a way out of the conundrum than I. So that’s what I did, and these are my thoughts on it.

On the face of it, it’s a simple question, is life to be celebrated or to be feared? If I ask anyone this question, they will think I have probably gone senile in my old age. Of-course it is to be celebrated. Right? Right. No doubt there. But then why is it not? Everywhere I see I find people being scared of life, afraid to live, frightened, indecisive about making choices.

And what are they scared of?

They are scared of something that doesn’t even exist. They fear tomorrow. Why should they be scared of tomorrow? Isn’t life in the moment, moment you are living, moment which is here right now. What can be more meaningful than this moment? Nothing exists beyond this moment, except your conjecture, your assumption.
But fear of life itself is a little more complex than it seems. There is first a physical fear; food, shelter, job, money, career, comforts, luxuries; and insecurity of losing any of these, scale is an individual desire, can make the strongest of the souls jittery. And then there is emotional fear, what if things go wrong? What if I get hurt? What if I hurt others? What if the whole thing becomes a nightmare?
The first fear to an extent is real, and all humanity lives under its shadow. Not something I need to talk or dwell more on, its tragedy is well articulated and understood by all; to lose the chance to be more than what you are.

It’s the other one that interests me, the fear of emotions. Misfortune, which people don’t understand is that not everyone can even afford to have this luxury. Majority of life struggles for the basic physical security, it’s a very minuscule population that can actually indulge to spend time with their emotions, live a life beyond food.

But what do they do? They just let it go.

I just don’t understand why the hell do they let it go?
To look for an analogy with physical security, I work hard, let go of many pleasures today because what I gain is tangible. Tangible that guarantees or assures to an extent for a securer tomorrow. But there is no such guarantee if one tries seeking an emotional security for the future. Is there anything like emotional security, in the first place?
That’s when I had my moment of epiphany, there is nothing called emotional future, there is only an emotional present.
It makes no sense to lose something beautiful today for nothing.

Yet people do.

Let’s assume people are right. It is wiser to seek emotional security and if the possibility of being wrecked exists it should wiser to let go. And they are right because they have already fucked up their today. Forget tomorrow, they don’t even have a today. The assumed misery of tomorrow has made your today even worse than that; ugly, reeking stink.

My beliefs today are to stay with today. I would never lose the moment.

My response now to the question, what if is simple, I say so what.
Because I have a question of my own-

What if not? Then what?

For, you soothsayers of doom, there is also a possibility of a beautiful tomorrow.

You may be willing not to dream that dream, I still would.

Amen

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