Oh my Gowd(a)

12 Mar

Note: No offense meant, if you are sensitive kind and a Gowda, kindly don’t read any further. And the article is inspired by a specific individual and is no reflection on the community. My apologies in advance if you find it distasteful or inaccurate in facts, though it is a work of fiction.

Eureka Eureka

I just had a conversation whose ramifications are so far reaching that it would shake the basic fabric of the society, it would change the way we live & think today. Nothing and I mean nothing would ever be the same again. The world we see today would cease to exist and in its place a new order would take shape.

Even now as I write, my hands are shaking with what I have found, the Lost Ark, the Holy Grail.

I can’t believe how inanely the conversation started, it was a peaceful quite day, sun was shining hard enough to make soul sweat, birds were resting in the trees  there were no thunders, no rain, no blowing winds, no signals at all from the higher powers, which normally accompany such moments of epiphany.

Let me narrate the conversation, before I bring you in the circle of enlightenment. As you would see, there is nothing in it before you have that eureka moment.

I: “So what are you?”

She: “I’m a Gowda”

I: “So you are related to ____ Gowda?”

She: “He is not a Gowda”

I: “Hah? But his name says he a Gowda”

She: “But he is not because he is Lingayath, so though his name says Gowda but he is not”

I: “So why is his name Gowda?”

She: “Blah, Blah, Blah…..” (read some impossible to understand and even harder to remember explanation, which in some manner was meant to explain that though he is Gowda, Gowda as in in the name but in reality it is just the wool, he was not or something like that. For purpose of our understanding, dear readers it is inconsequential except that he is called Gowda but he is not)  

I: “But you are a Gowda?”

She: “Yes”

I: “But your name does not have Gowda”

She: “But I am”

I: “So if you are Gowda, you don’t have in your name Gowda but if you are not a Gowda, you can have a Gowda in your name?”

She: “Nothing like that, you can have Gowda in your name, like my cousin V____ Gowda”

I: “So how does one decide, whether you should be named Gowda or not?”

She: “It is up to the parents to decide”

I: “So who all in your family have the surname Gowda?”

She: “Blah, Blah, Blah……..” (As she was narrating an insightful discovery was made, only boys had Gowda as a surname)

I: “So only boys can get this surname?”

She: “No, girls can also be named Gowda” (yet despite very in-depth questioning, with inquisition of every possibility no girl child with the name Gowda came to her mind. This data could be little skewed as we could go back only till 6 generations, had we probed a little more, maybe a different truth would have come forth. As per this little tainted and corrupt, yet available data, we discovered, though parents make a choice whether to name a child Gowda or not and even with equal probability and opportunity that a girl can be a Gowda and with no bias or any ulterior motive, no girl child had been named Gowda, at least in the previous 6 generations, including current generation. Dear Readers, don’t get biased, there is no malice here, no hidden agenda, it is mere coincidence that no parent has thought any girl, to repeat beaten to death fact, in the last 6 generations, should have Gowda in surname. Mere coincidence.)

I: “……” (Dumbfounded look)

 She: “You don’t get it, like my uncle is not called a Gowda, his son is.” 

I: “……” (Dumbfounded look continues)

She: “Blah, Blah, Blah…..” (Dear reader, don’t mistake this blah, blah; it is there to protect your own sanity, just that I have reached that enlightenment that could bear, as our friend Russell Peters would say, the fantastic and mind-blasting concept, which if heard in its raw shape would cause blasting in the mind . So in the blah we found, though any male can be named Gowda, as earlier established, it is based on quirks or generosity, of the parent, every alternate generation male was named a Gowda. What could not be established, was parent who names the son; could have been daughter too but is never is, to gently remind you again of that mere coincidence; was it an act of generosity or revenge. Because if it was an act of generosity, then the son who was named Gowda would name his son Gowda too but he does not, it always is one who is named does not and the one who is not does. Maybe it is an alternate reality concept like the cycle of life or maybe it has a proof of the fickle nature of norms and also maybe fashion, what goes out of fashion, comes back to fashion or maybe proof of order in a universe which exists in chaos. Who knows? Dear reader, a brief interlude again, this is so written in a manner so convoluted one because this is how data was fired at me, second to teach you a moral lesson that discovery of knowledge is a path which confuses more, clarifies less)

I: (waking up from my dumb-founded stupor) “So if you who is a Gowda, marry the Gowda who actually is not a Gowda, and you have a son, could have been daughter too, and you name him Gowda, is he a Gowda or not?”

She: “No. He is not”

I: “And if your male cousin, the one named Gowda, who is also a Gowda, was to marry a girl named Gowda, who in reality is not a Gowda and they too by mere coincidence have a son and though he cannot be named Gowda as father is already named Gowda, but since it is on quirk of the father or  by sheer reorientation of the universe, is named Gowda, will  he be one?”

She: “Yes”

I: (by now I was reeling under the overload of data and at the end of this conversation, and like previous mentioned mere coincidence I was also at the last spoonful of my tasteless meal, I asked the last question to end it) “So how do people know you are a Gowda?”

She: “Because I say so”

I: “……” (Dumbfounded look returns with a vengeance)

She: “I am, as long as I say it”

The spoon which was moving towards my agape in its dumb-foundedness mouth stopped mid-air, world was suddenly silent and quiet, I could feel the serenity of Buddha seeping in my bones, I looked outside to see some signs to say this was the moment for which humanity was waiting for, but except for a bird who I sitting on the window when we started the conversation, now lying on its back, dead or sleeping I could not gauge, there was no other sign. But I knew I was hearing a revelation with no parallel in the history.

So ignoring my spoon waiting to be relieved of the tasteless weight I asked, I wanted to confirm, I had heard right

I: “You just have to say it and you are”

She: “Yes”

Dear reader, I hope you realize what it means. The world which is strife with unrest due to cultural, economic and biggest of them religious differences now has means of redemption. A single reality can unite us all, bind us by a common thread, three magic words (for those still wallowing in idiocy, it’s not I love you) will unite the whole world, maybe even the still undiscovered life in the universe, all we have to say is “I’m a Gowda”. No proof required, you just have to say it and you become one. Ah the world where everyone is a Gowda, the infinite possibilities, joy and happiness, fun and frolic, universal brotherhood. It was always there, just that no one knew.

I can see myself walking towards the podium in Stockholm to accept my Nobel Prize for peace; I have already started writing my acceptance speech (I would give 10% of prize money to her and also a note of thanks in my speech).

“All izz well” is passé, real redemption lies in “I’m a Gowda.”

P.S: There is one small catch, if you are someone with blue eyes and blonde hair, you cannot be a Gowda. Sorry dude. Coloring your hair and contact lenses might help. Ladies with blue eyes and blonde hair can always marry a boy named Gowda or otherwise (now that we all Indian looking males are Gowdas. Some boy whose name starts with V is jumping with joy)

P.S 2: Only one question stays unanswered, if Gowda boy marries a blonde with blue eyes and their son is also with blue eyes and blonde hair but does not have Gowda in surname, how will he prove he is a Gowda?

Advertisements

One Response to “Oh my Gowd(a)”

  1. john doe March 27, 2010 at 1:27 am #

    living in this country means that i have heard stranger things. i had a very similar conversation with someone about the surname khan. how some people are called khans and aren’t. and some people aren’t called so but still are. what has also added to my confusion is a recent interview by shahrukh khan in which he said that his wife is not gauri khan but gauri khanum. james cameron has also asked recently, and quite rightly so, whether in india khan is a professional designation. considering such a lot of actors are called khan. in which case askhay khan, ranbir khan, sunny khan, bobby khan… aishwarya khanum? well almost.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: