Archive | April, 2008

You are a golfer when….

29 Apr
  1. You find a crawling ant on the green louder than a screaming wife at home
  2. You might be late for every meeting while you would be standing sharp on time for your tee-time
  3. You might be an atheist for life but would think of God before hitting every shot
  4. You stand on a beautiful beach and the sight of sand gives you a fright
  5. You suddenly find yourself spreading your legs and wiggling your bum in a crowded room
  6. You find yourself practicing writing with the golf grip
  7. You see Jaani Rajkumar in a new light when you discover those hideous white shoes are actually golf shoes
  8. You find yourself smiling at your mom-in-law after a great golf round
  9. Your every holiday destination needs to have at least one golf course
  10. Your wife says tea-time and your eyes light up
  11. No one can tell you a golf joke you have not heard or read before
  12. You take your golf set along when buying a new car
  13. There is no posture of yoga that you cannot do
  14. You convince your wife that caddying for you is quality time.
  15. Swinging alone is also fun
  16. All your friends have an handicap
  17. You still have the hope of playing good golf week after week even after sucking at it for the last seventeen years
  18. You are not a cow but grass makes you drool

My rejected advertising ideas

29 Apr

The world will never see or hear or read or admire or award any of these ideas.

Why?

Elementary, my dear Watson, these are rejected ideas buried in the annals of advertising briefs. (a small detour here, the aforementioned phrase is false as the character of Holmes in the none of the books have ever said it. He did say Elementary in the story “the crooked man” but never the full phrase).

So why try to bring to life the dead ideas?

I have not written anything for a long time and am unable to think of anything, so I thought let this be the post for today.

Moreover these ideas had amused me then and might not be bad for another chuckle.

Disdainfully Rejected Idea No. 1:
Product: Mint
To take you back to the genesis of this idea. We were working to reposition a mint brand. The brief from the client was to break the clutter and research showed that the purchase is one occasion linked (immediately after smoke), impulse or an exchange for loose change. The time gap between the intentions to action is minimal or to say it simply what matters is TOMA. And TOMA is linked to advertising and POP visibility. Damn this is getting too academic, coming back to the idea, the problem was any possible position was already occupied – more attractive to opposite sex, fresh breath, throat etc etc. So we had an option either to say the same thing with a different creative expression or find something new.
My thought was that the benefit of the product is well established, the solution is to find a creative expression which is so absurd that it will stick through sheer amusement. But the idea need to be linked to the core product benefit of fresh breath.
So I proposed XYZ Mint means long happy life – Eat this and live long.
I had an irrefutable logic to the whole thing.
It is proven fact that people who have more friends and have an active sex life (ignoring the hazards of AIDS) live longer.
Now lets ladder.
Ladder 1: Mint -> fresh breath -> Pleasant personality -> more friends -> long life
Ladder 2: Mint -> fresh breath -> Attractive -> more Girl friends -> Active sex life -> long life

Add them and you will be lead back to the starting point of long life.

Ahem, now you know too why it was rejected.

Scornfully Rejected Idea No. 2: No preamble here straight to the creative line-
“Men who wear jockey will never understand bra-burners”

Contemptuously Rejected Idea No. 3: Isn’t it time you guys gave me a promotion?

I think I have embarrassed myself enough for a day. But beware there are millions more such “hall of shame” ideas which you would can be subjected to if you don’t leave some nice comments here.

And if you upset me, such ideas would infest your comment posts to ruin your blog.

Corporate destiny

21 Apr

He was a dedicated, honest, committed employee. And he had a nasty boss who made his life miserable.

Boss was spiteful, malicious and ensured every day in office was living hell. None of his great ideas ever saw the light of the day.

Boss had an uncanny habit of creating some critical work every Friday evening ensuring nights in the office every weekend.

He had lost his hunger and had not had a restful sleep for months. The very thought of office gave him nightmares.

After another horrid day in the office, he was lying on his bed. He made a wish – God, I try to do my best in the office every day and fail because of my boss. I am the good person here and he the bad one. Despite this he sleeps peacefully while I rot. Why I am not the boss and he the junior? If I was in his position everything would be right.

And while still mulling these thoughts after much tossing and turning he slept.

He had another miserable night full of nightmares.

Next day when he woke up, his wish had come true.

God knows how but the universe had conspired to make his wish true.

And with a purpose he strode towards the office.

He was there at his desk sharp at 9.30 and waiting to discuss his ideas with the junior.

10.00 am – no sign of the junior. Must be busy, he thought.

11.00 am – still no sign. Now he was getting restive. As a concerned boss he tried calling but no response.

11.30 am – junior walked in nonchalantly and sat down.

He called the junior to his room and with great enthusiasm discussed his idea.

Junior aggressively argued against the idea and even after much persuasion refused to buy into the idea. Boss had committed a presentation to the management the next day.

At 5.30 junior walked out of office after giving the work-life balance spiel to the boss.

He had to stay back in office till 1.00 am to finish all the work.

He had another miserable night full of nightmares.

The full sunday

21 Apr

I had a full sunday this weekend.

I ate the whole day.

Rolling Ball

15 Apr

The traveller as he was walking down the road was surprised by the sudden appearence of the ball.

In one fluid motion he kicked the ball back to kids.

He stood there for sometime deep in thought.

He did not go any further.

Tourist

15 Apr

I envy the people who become part of the new cities they move to.

People who embrace the change that comes with the change.

Read a beautifully written article by Gauri about Kolkata and the evolution of her relationship with the city.

People say cities have their own unique personality. And your interaction with their unique traits redefines you as a person. Each city carries with it its unique smell, distinctive sound, individual voice, singular touch. And with time you immerse yourself in it and become a tide of its flow.

I wonder how that happens.

I have lived in many cities but somehow my own voice muted any other sound around me.

I lived in Pune and was never touched by its spirituality. I lived in Delhi and never heard its boisterous voice. I missed Mumbai’s smell of sea. I never tasted Bangalore’s sweetness and never saw the vibrant colors of Panjab.

I look back at all those years and the tragedy of life stares back at me.

There are multitudes of worlds around me and in this myriad is a world that is mine, is me. And every time I see a new world I have two options, either bring my world to the new world or fight against the new world to protect my world.

I chose to fight and unfortunately won each time. I surrounded myself with the known, the comfortable and the familiar.

I have never have had friend in any of those cities who was a local. I moved with outsiders like me, their own microscopic worlds no threat to mine. We all saw this unique world from outside.

I was probably a tourist in each of these cities, clicking my pictures for the photo album to be
shared with friends & family once the vacation was over.

I know now what I should have known then and I still live in a new city.

Will I change?

Unfortunately no.

For me there is now only one world, world of my creation.

Microscopic, insignificant but mine.

Resident of my asylum & confined for life.

Free Tibet – Blog and Tackle

8 Apr


Creative by: Manoj Jacob

Note from Manoj:

“I understand the theory of not mixing politics and sports, but I fail to understand its application with regard to the 2008 Beijing Olympics. The world’s largest sporting event will earn a huge sum of money for the Chinese Government. And as you know the bullets being pumped into Tibet don’t come free.

Whose side are you on?

If it’s China, you don’t have to go any further than this.

If it’s Tibet, copy these ads and post them on your blog, and pass the word on to other bloggers. If you’re not a blogger, save the ads on to your computer and mail them out to as many people as you think might care.”

For more details log on: www.shoestringtheband.blogspot.com